What do you say to someone who is going through something like what we’re going through? Honestly, probably nothing. We’re coming to find more and more that the words of encouragement people tend to offer end up doing just the opposite. We get frustrated, sad, and discouraged. It’s not helpful when someone tells you things will happen in the right timing, there is a bigger plan, everything happens for a reason, or any of the other canned things people think they’re supposed to say when someone is struggling or in pain. I’ve realized in recent weeks that people say those things because it makes them feel better. By saying something like that, it’s like they’ve done their part to properly support you. Don’t get me wrong, they aren’t doing it maliciously or even consciously, it’s just the way it is. I used to do it. Before I understood what it was like to be broken, it was natural to me. This probably actually says something good about the human race, that people want to feel like they’ve supported someone else. But that doesn’t make it any more helpful. What we want to hear is: this really sucks, I’m sorry. Because it does really suck, and no amount of positive words will make it suck less. Trying to make sense out of it is just annoying. It’s okay for people to be in it with us and just hear and validate our pain. That is encouraging and makes us feel truly supported and loved.
On a lighter note, I (of course) watched the 50 Shades movie. It was better than the book. It was not great, but I couldn’t even finish the book. After one too many inner goddess references and holy shits about Christian Grey’s abs, I just gave up. Chris actually watched it with me and enjoyed it. We had a few good laughs over awkward sexual situations and butt slaps. After all, isn’t that really what life is all about?