The Freakout

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Written February 27, 2014

 

Oops, got sidetracked. As I was saying, Teen Mom is the devil. It has been nearly 6 months, and zip-o. So getting pregnant clearly is not as easy as making bad choices at inappropriate ages would make it seem. Getting pregnant is HARD. It is stressful. Never cried during sex? Wait until you’re 33, on about month 4 of trying to get pregnant, peeing on a stick every 5 minutes so you know exactly when to have sex, and then actually trying to have sex. It is not awesome. People who say they are “having fun trying” are liars.

 

But back to the story at hand.  I had my first official freak out last month. We had a very trying ovulation period (pun very much intended) a few weeks prior. We’ve never been the couple to force sex. It either happens naturally when we’re both into it or not at all. This has suited us both just fine for the last 7 years. So trying to force it brought up some unfamiliar feelings for me regarding our physical relationship – awkwardness, rejection, resentment. Granted, this was basically all in my head, but it was not pretty. We had to have a get-real conversation about what we were trying to do and how we both had to change our attitudes if we wanted to keep our relationship healthy while going through this extremely stressful time. I seriously don’t understand how people not in solid relationships can handle this process. Or about having a baby to “fix” things? Please.

 

Anyway, it was getting close to the time I would normally get my period. My boobs were sore, I was extremely tired, my stomach was upset, and I was constipated. So, you know, I was kind of excited. I felt like my time had come with all these sure signs of pregnancy. I had a nice reality check when my period came right on schedule. Apparently these clear pregnancy symptoms are my new, post-pill PMS symptoms. Excellent.  Eff you, menstruation. After a good day spent crying and eating my feelings, I decided to take off of work and treat myself to a nice mani/pedi and some new clothes. I also decided that I needed to take control of myself and the situation and started going for acupuncture treatments or, as Chris likes to say, to the voodoo (or witch) doctor (he likes to use these interchangeably).

 

On the whole, I’ve been very happy with acupuncture. It’s been about a month of weekly treatments. I can’t say that I see a huge difference in some of the things I was really concerned about (which are primarily digestive…but that’s an entirely different and equally long-winded saga that has been playing out for the last 1/3 of my life), but I am definitely more relaxed. The treatments themselves offer me some stress-relief just by having an hour a week set aside to do nothing but chill the fuck out. (I am not good at this. Some of the worst fights Chris and I have ever had were about my inability to relax.) And I feel comfortable with the acupuncturist (doctor?). I didn’t want to randomly pick someone and risk actual voodoo, so I went with a recommendation from a close friend who has had amazing success in her maintenance of Crohn’s Disease. Anyone who knows about Crohn’s and has seen someone go from being hospitalized and nearly having part of her colon removed to being in remission and completely off of medication knows what an endorsement that is.

 

Anyway, last week the acupuncturist/doctor told me that I should expect less pain during my cycle this time around (read: I get the worst cramps ever), and that I should see clear discharge about 2 weeks later, which means I’m ovulating. I’m pretty discharge-y in general (if you’re reading this, you should probably get comfortable with TMI), so I’ll have to be on the lookout for specific color differentials. But I’m pretty inclined to believe him, because Crohn’s.

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